


Strange how the heart adapts when its pieces disappear

by Kroolea



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, Death, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Sad Ending, this is as close to historically accurate as the musical will let me go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25476562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kroolea/pseuds/Kroolea
Summary: When he was young he used to fancy finding a way to live forever. By living forever he could see how the world changes through the decades, the centuries, the millenniums. Now, he isn't sure it sounds as grand as it did a long time ago.Lafayette reflects on the lives and deaths of his friends.
Relationships: Adrienne de Lafayette/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette & Hercules Mulligan, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Strange how the heart adapts when its pieces disappear

**Author's Note:**

> This is some sad sad sad shit right here
> 
> You can best believe that when I learned Lafayette outlived ALL of their squad (and most of his American friends) I cried.
> 
> If you want to get the vibes for this, I suggest you listen to "Who Wants To Live Forever" by postmodern jukebox because, it's good and also I listened to it on repeat for the entire hour it took me to write and edit this :)

First to go was John, sweet John who would never hurt a soul. Who wanted to free every slave and shed many tears whenever he saw someone mistreating a fellow man because his skin was different.

Lafayette got the letter nearly two months after John's death so attending the funeral was out of the question. He wept, clutching the letter in his hand. He wept for the men that wouldn't be free despite John's dreams. Despite how hard John had fought for them. He wept for the carefree man he knew, the one that loved with his whole heart and gave everything to help others, never stopping to think about his own needs. He wept for the man who fought for his country and never saw the finished product.

The tears drip onto the letter somehow, smearing its words but Lafayette knows what they say. They say that an angel has left earth, leaving it cold and unloving.

Alexander's death comes as a shock. Lafayette is outside when Adrienne brings him a letter he smiles and thanks her. He settles on a bench in the garden to read the pristine letter.

It's from Eliza Hamilton, he smiles and opens it. Eliza and he had often sent letters to each other during the war discussing Alexander's antics.

His breath leaves his chest as he reads.

Alexander's gone. Shot in a duel like his son. Lafayette doesn't realize he's even crying until he hears himself let out a wail. The letter floats listlessly to the ground and sits in the grass forgotten, his knees wobble as he walks inside to pen a condolence letter. He sits at The desk hours, trying to figure out what to say. He was never the writer Alexander was, he preferred to make people feel patriotic, not make them reflect on a lost loved one.

His dinner sits beside him, cold and collecting flies. He buries his face in his hand and tells Adrienne to write the letter for him, she nods and pens something that is probably too generic for dear Alexander’s wife and children.

Years go by and Lafayette is older, quieter, his back pops too loudly when he stands up quickly. Georges brings a letter inside from a name he does not recognize. He tells Georges to read the letter as his eyesight isn't what it used to be. Georges complies and begins reading.

John, Washington, Martha, Alexander, Adrienne, now Hercules Mulligan. All great people who he loved that have flown away.

Lafayette waves his son away and cries for the loss of his friend. His closest friend. Hercules was always the one who knew Lafayette best, who made sure he was eating, who made sure he tended to his own injuries. He thinks he could have loved Hercules, maybe in another life. Maybe in another life Hercules Mulligan and Gilbert Lafayette were hopelessly in love. He hopes that’s true. 

He wipes his eyes and writes a condolence letter to Hercules' daughter, who sent the letter. This time he tries to not sound like every other condolence letter.

By the time 1834 arrives, Lafayette is a tired man. His health has been getting worse and illnesses pounce upon him whenever possible. He is walking home when the rain begins, instead of finding shelter he continues to walk. He ignores how his jacket is soaked through and how he has lost count of how many times he has coughed. He stops to rest, sitting against a wall.

When he was young he used to fancy finding a way to live forever. Whether through magic or science, living forever sounded pleasant. A mistake made wouldn’t ruin anything, a season of misery would be a drop in the bucket. He could see everything and still have time left to spare. By living forever he could see how the world changes through the decades, the centuries, the millenniums.

Now, as an old man, he isn't sure it sounds as grand as it did a long time ago.

Living forever means losing everyone. He was only in his seventies and had lost all his friends and his wife. He lost both his parents and the Washingtons, who he considered his second parents. If he lived forever he would have to see his children die, his grandchildren. No, he wouldn’t want to live forever.

He thinks of John, how afraid he might have been laying on a battlefield bleeding out. He wonders if the stars gave him some peace as he felt his life drain away.

He thinks of Alexander, who must have stood firm as the bullet pierced his body. He wonders if he ever forgave Burr before he died or if he had been in too much pain to think clearly.

He thinks of Hercules, dying peacefully with his family beside him. He wonders if his children sang one of his favorite songs, ushering him into the great beyond. 

He smiles. "Soon, my friends. I will see you soon." He murmurs, closing his eyes and humming an old song he thought he had forgotten the tune to.

_ Raise a glass to freedom, something they can never take away. _

_ No matter what they tell you. _

**Author's Note:**

> come scream with me about hamilton on instagram my username is @_yeet__haw_
> 
> The title of this fic is from 'Page 28' by Sleeping At Last


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